gotten my DSLR

Ok. maybe jus semi dslr.

hmmm.

My new cam.

I can practise my photography skills more now.

from now on, i wont call my sister "sister" again.
i shall name her bitch.

anyway, my cam kind of remind me of bitch's sony camera.
you know y?

Cux apparently she told me that it's a SEMI DSLR.
i repeat..
SEMI DSLR.

But.
haha. i know the diff already.

her is jus a normal digi which look like a DSLR.

*throw face*


such a retard.

need to lie.

fuck it kay?

you want to save face also dun need to be like tat.

apparently people thought that i'm feeling better with the things or whatever that i had blog yesterday, YOU ARE SO WRONG.

Is jus that, i have such a fucked up family, i do not even want to recognise anymore.
jus let me do my own stuff.
i smoke or not, y should i even tell you.
right?

Apparently,
I just couldn't be bothered anymore.

say whatever you wan, do whatever you wan.
whatever you people are doing are jus making me hating you more and more only.

alright?

ok. great

Great great great.

having tooth ache now.
everything bad jus keep flowing in.

should i jus keep my tears holding in or jus let it flow out free of charge.

terrible terrible.

should i even bother about them?
about my mummy, about my fucked up family.
so great.

I know that i do not have the worst family. but it's bad enough.

now, i even have a headache.

hmm.

bb sent me home today.
doing those retarded but cute stuff.
singing something that she jus on the spot compose.
it's damn cute. lah.

she have been like trying to do sth for me, esp when i'm in the state like this. but then, there's nothing that she can do. i do not blame her for that.
i know.
cux it's my problems.
It's not yr fault k?

sigh.

seriously mummy, please do not make me hate you.
I already hate my sister to the core already.
better not be you, cux it wont be good to have your own daughter to hate you so so much.
isn't it.

stop interfering into my life.

cux once you do, i will jus get more and more rebellious and wont listen to you.

smoking bad for health?
like what you say?
I jus hope i will die earlier.

i had depression a period of time where you yourself don't even know ahout it.
what kind of mum are you anyway?
when i'm cutting myself, where the hell are you, you don't even fucking know that i did that be4.
when i so fucking down and i want to go and die, you wont even know.
so when 1 fine day, i really jus drop dead, you say you regret? please don;t make me laugh, cux it's already too late by then.

control my life?
do that after you know how to become a good mum, that worth respect by your own children and not having your children hating you.

yes, i'm not a good, clever daughter you have.
SO WHAT?
i don't give a shit.

Best. disown me.

as if i care.

fuck it

FUCK IT.

stop whatever you are doing.

don't ever make me hate you.

such a fucked up family.

Hello

I using baby's lappy now to blog.

I do nothave mine with me now, cux i jus spend a night in her house.

Yesterday was jayvon's bday party.
nothing much really.
Was tired somehow and raining heavily, so i was super cold.
birthday girl jayvon was super busy and do not have much time to entertain us.

and it was super far.

so we didnt stay long and left for the last bus.

anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAYVON.

the bus journey back to tampines is uncomfortable.
try sitting in the same position for like 1 and a half hour. and 1stly, there are 3 ugly (i know i very bad) guys, playing and singing out loud with their guitar in the bus! my god, can't someone jus shut them up.
and then after they left.
lots of indians aka AH NEIS boarded the bus and talk loudly.

grrr.

inconsiderate.

ok. i know i'm racist.

so?

hmmm.

on the way back to bb's house,
she did something real cute that she have not been doing for quite sometime.

shaking her butt like crayon shin chan aka la bi xiao xin.
something different is that she didnt bare her butt.

interesting.

hahha.

till here.

IT'S HERE!

Like finally.

after dragging for like 13 days!

FINALLY PMS LE.
god damn it.

the 1st day and it's already a tough one already.
sigh.

PMS mode is bad bad bad.
terrible attitude, terrible mood, du-lan, irritated, and also like very grumpy.
sigh.

somemore, still sick, coughing, running nose and slight fever.

later i have class at like 11am. and i have to wake up at 8.30-9.
grrr.

left with 5 hours of slp or sth.

my mum 1st time talked to bb today.
We were having a quarrel and was delayed gg home.
so she came out and talk to bb.

it was funny but as the same time kind of dulan.

the things she said jus keep on repeating and repeating.

grrr.

seriously.
i almost wanted to give up everything and anything in a relationship.
Like totally do not want to care anymore.
jus so tired lo.

but,
i don't know.
i think it's best to give it a try and start all over again.
Bb is like apologizing, asked for forgiveness as well as wanting us to start all over again.
After deep consideration.
ya. we still stay on.
trying to work things out i guess.

hmmm.

oh well.
will see how.

good night everyone.

Spend most of my time at home.

Early in the morning woke up and meet bb fora super duper quick lunch.

and then sent her to work.

by right i'm suppose to get my material, but i cant find the one that i need. so i have to go to art friend and get it.

home work are mostly done.

i'm kind of lazy now.

like wan to lazy around.

keep on watching "heroes" after i'm done with my homework.

Feeling damn sick now.
terrible cough and running nose.
terrible terrible.

mummy bought cough syrup for me.
I hope it works.

it's already 7pm. 1.5 hour more i'll be heading to airport to find bb.
hmmm.

mummy kind of know that i'm in a gay relationship now.
and of course, she seriously disapprove it.
don't whether she think i'm jus playing or really serious in this relationship.
oh well.
but who cares.
As long as she don't hurt those people whom i treasured., and also dun interfere with what i'm doing now.
I'm contented.
Jus keep her mouth shut will do. (no offence)
and also playing or not, only me and my bb will know.

I do not care how people think. and i do not care what my family are thinking.
I do care about how my close frens think and most importantly, my bb think.
hmmm.

Have been really emo lately somehow.
jus like dunno,
Tearing alone on the bed to sleep. wet my pillow with my tears.
Suddenly like i'm having depression.
But i guess i'm jus having my moody days or weeks.

PMS is delaying.
maybe this is the cause as well.
don't know.

sigh.
have been stressed i guess.
my body function is not functioning well.

sick, late pms, grumpy, emo etc etc.
What else.
Tired.

oh well.

Signing off.

I didnt know that,

Hmmm.

Was talking to my auntie, listening to her nagging over the phone again and again.

So what if i'm the bad egg in the family? i do not give a shit.
As if i care.

I'm so fucking tired with lotsa of stuff.

Fuck it k.

Hmm.

I do not know whether should i believe that it's true or not.
from what i heard from my aunt.

My mum actually suffered from depression before.
when she and my father is preparing for a divorce.

from what i hear,

Her depression maybe coming back.
Due to too much worrying about me.
I do not know.

What should i do?

I'm worried as well.

my aunt is like asking me to be a good girl and like care for my mum more. stay home more etc.
Sigh.
The fact that i hate staying at home.
I do not want to have quarrels at home which i seriously hate.

Sigh.

BB... for this moment, i miss you so much.
I'm so confused.

All i need now is a tight tight hug.

But i guess, what i can do now is to give my blanket a tight tight hug instead.

sigh.

Sister is home late, yet mum didnt complain.
shall i call it unfair or what.

Don't know.

sigh

I think i'm going to get grumpy soon.

Sigh.

all of the sudden...

All of the sudden,

I started to emo.
I feel like crying somehow.
I need someone to be beside me now.
to comfort me, to give me a really really tight hug.

Hmmm..

I hope there are more than 24 hours per day, and human can don't need to sleep.
I got so many things to do. and i'm fucking stress now. i dun even know whether am i able to complete it anot.
God bless ya.

Don't know why,

I jus feel so down all of the sudden.
What happen?
Nothing.
no quarrels with bb ah..
nothing ah.

I was even treating bb's mother to swensens jus now. for dinner.

sigh.

I need new bag.
where the hell do i get the money to go and buy one.
My pay is fucking low.
and i have to survived on that leftover of money till next month.
my mum still very direct. fuck it k.
once i gotten my pay, she dun even give me allowance already.
fuck it lah.

Now what,
all of the sudden, i'm angry already.

Fuck lah.

I think i'm jus too stress.

Hate being in this state and hate how i'm feeling down.

mmm.

Didn't go for the una thingy.

nvm.

waited for bb to finish work.
and then go her house.

dinner at bedok 85.
together with her mum, sis, niece and nephew, andy (live together). their treat. but seriously, i'm gg to have very bad sore throat.
sigh.

jus reach home not long ago.
Sleepy a bit.

Gonna slp soon i guess.

I need more rest.