er...

I don't really know what to say.
What to do.

I jus want to like be alone?
No no.

maybe jus don't really feel like talking to anyone.

Tired.
Sick.
Break into cold sweat.
Dizzy spells.
Feel like vomiting.

And no, i'm not pregnant. cux it' impossible.

The dog is finaly here.
his name is "Romeo"

So skinny lah.
And he is still awake.
Cant believe it.
Seriously.

I guess he feels alone.
when i'm in the room.
He jus keep making noise by banging onto the cages.
So when i finally came out to accompany him,
It jus stayed there, lying down, falling aslp i guess.

shall post photos next time.

Night everyone.

ps: he jus suddenly wakes up again.
sigh.

few pic from yesterday event

not high res pic.

trying to get the pictures somehow. =]

finally..

Wa...

Finally i can go and get some rest on my legs.

wearing heels for hours is seriously not a good thing.
and with all the mingling around and all, serving of alcohol and food, and jus plainly mingle.

now i feel so tired.

BB is very silly.
really.
jus feel that i already assure you and yet you are still crying and affecting your work.
sigh.

silly silly de bb.

i'll get the picture from the people soon i hope.

night.

bitch is going for holiday

she is gg for holiday with her bf like for 2.5 weeks?

and i got to take care of her bf's dog.

oh well.

at least there are more fun now if the dog and me goes well together.

la la la....

i'm like feeling weak

I'm feeling weak now.

totally no strength.

Jus now was fine until i reached home and sat down to use my laptop.

suddenly is like no strength like that.

why?

sick?

hmmm...

bb is worrying.
hmm.
sigh.

is it because i'm tired?
or what. jus feeling sick.
like a headache is coming already.

feel so heavy headed.

am web camming with bb now.
she is busy doing her work paper.
dun really wanna disturb her.

i even feel like puking now after drinking a cup of water.
damn.

a headache is coming.
can feel lo.

sigh.

everything

Everything jus upset me over and over again.

so tired.
so sleepy.

but i'm really affected to even go to slp.

i dunno.
I jus dun wan to say.

night.

Bryant's wedding

Morning then go back home from bb house after spending like a night at her house.

as always my mum get pissed off.
but i dun realy care that much.

she jus back to her old self. and then for me, the most i jus get more rebellious only ma...
don't cry again when i get too much cuz you force me to.
not that i'm blaming anyone.
jus if she really gives me the freedom that i want and need, i wont be like that.

anyway,
today is bryant's wedding.
after like datig his gf for like 5 years or so,they have finally tied the knot.
I'm really happy for them.

went to park hotel for the wedding dinner.

some picture.
taken using my hp.
the rest of the photos is with bryant's photographer, and jimmy's gf iphone.


Cindy and me.
smoking partner in Garskin.

still her and me.


Lovely cherie and me.

It's a lovely night, whereby everyone dress up for.

and speaking of that,
BB was like stunned when she saw me, with my fakies and earrings, and heels.

she looked like shy and cute.
whenever i turned to look at her or lets say i noticed her looking at me, and when i turned to look at her, she turned away.
somehow like blushing.

And she says that i'm really pretty.

thank you bb.

Missing bb now.

Night.

*publish post and off to look at friends' blogs.

Happy 4th month

to bb:
happy 4th month!

is it goingto be an end?

all the things.

happens happened.

is it going to be an end.

jus reach home

have been falling aslp at bb house lately.

sigh.

sleeping beside her feels really good.
someone to hug you
and someone that you can hug to sleep.

hmm...

randomly, i'm not feeling happy now.

shal jus go to bed.
it's 5.00am already.

got to wake up early to send bb to work as well as to like to go work myself.

*closes laptop and off the inter connections and of to bed.

overdue lantern festival pics

tat gathering was good.

shall gather together again..

bb is g for lunch with her mummy.
hmm.

was cooking at bb house yesterday.
nice.

got to go prepare to go find bb already. need to bath cook lunch for myself and make up etc.

*blast music and off i go to bath.

couldnt be bothered

Wanna sleep.

couldn't be bothered.
it's so bo liaos.

*yawns

*shut down my com an tuck into my blanket.

jus came back.

Appreciates the gathering we had jus now. laughing away etc etc.

nice.

It's been quite sometime already.


anyway, to other stuff.

apparently, someone should jus shut up.
cux apparently that someone is being too too noisy.

going to sleep.
got to work in the morning.

*off the laptop and jumps onto the bed.

some of the pictures that i had edited for bb.

Nice?

Bb you can save the pictures from here.
click it and save it.
=]

my hot baby jon jon.
i had made her even hotter.

hahahaha.

skip work today due to slight gastric.
terrible.
i keep having health problems.

hmm
i need to concentrate on work, school and more.

sigh.

oh well.

today is the chinese lantern festival!!
meeting lynn and bb and yanru for the night and play candles together.
treat it as a gathering anyway.

hungry now. shall go look for food.

*put down laptop and jump off the bed to the kitchen.

Yawn

headache. tired.

but not sleepy yet.

oh man how...

it's going 3 soon and i have to work like 7 in the morning later.
i need to wake up at 6.
damn it.

Overslept today and didnt go for class.
sigh.
seriously, i need lots of rest.

school holiday started but i still got tons of work to do.

hmm
yes we quarreled again.
sigh.

when down to meet yanru and her gf to get black boots.
i need it for my event and i borrowed the boots from her.
Luckily it fits jus nice.

Thanks yanru.

anyway.
BB is being tired recently.
sigh.

rest well k?

hmmm...

going to bed.
headache getting worse.

night.

y do i feel so lonely.

Sigh.

I feel like i'm so alone.
in this world.

not your fault i guess bb.
don't think too much.

maybe jus too many things happened.
jus making me fucked up inside somehow.
I do not know how long i need to take to recover.

night.

it so...

Can say i had enough.

I can bring myself to like shout into the phone with my mum in the other end in public.
tearing and shouting, scolding and kena scolded.
tearing away.

BB was beside me all along, we were having lunch.

hmmm..

I'm so upset.

you teared in the other end of the phone and jus left the phone unattended.

when i reach home, you sit at a corner, crying.
and then walked to the window.

yes, i'm a lousy daughter,
a useless one.
i'm the only one who smoke, who is the most rebellious.

I said that you all forced me to.
you say i'm jus trying to find excuses.
Whatever.

I repeated dunno fucking how many times.
it jus wont get into your head.

and after that you start saying that i'm saying you, as a mother, is a failure.
and tear, jus started crying.

You got depression once, me too.
Do you know that?
I didnt bother to tell you all my problems,
cux i know when i say, all i get is scolding again.
Why should i bring the sufferings to myself.
It's pointless to tell you all about my problem.

Where were you all along when i'm in the state where by i really need you?
No where to be found.

I love you mummy, but the more you will to invade into my privacy and without giving me any respect, it's only make me more rebellious and dun even give a damn anymore.

It's painful for me to see you crying.
it's so painful.

but.

Have i went too far?
I just wan to be free.
not being spied on.
not having my things went through.
at least not in front of me.

There's no basic respect,
no basic own privacy.

sigh.

I do love you mummy.

Oh man.

I'm gg to cry already.
=[

sigh.

i don't know

I have been making effort to go and find you, fetch you from work every single day.
without complaints.
appreciated i know.

but do you know that i'm actually tired?

maybe the tiredness is making me very moody, grumpy and what so ever.

i already bring myself to ignore whatever is at home.
and when my mum called, i already very tired already.
i jus wan to go home.
i didnt ask you to send me home.
i didnt complain anything.

Whatever i said seem like ju like useless.
i'm still affected by my mum.
whatever.

seriously, i can't bring myself to go home late ok.
and somemore, the longer i dragged, the more tired i become as well as my headache just become more and more painful.

"that" particular thing is not important lo.
Why can't we just postpone?

i still have make up lesson in the morning later at 9am in the morning.
i have to wake up at 7.
already deprived of sleep already.
still.......

I can't really totally ignore my mum.
going home all this is still my responsibility as well.

now i jus heck care whether she wants or don't want me to smoke.
as if i care.
i'm gg home late. but not to the extend whereby i do not have the last bus to catch.

and then? waste money to cab home?
Now i do not even have money to eat already.
trying to save the money for the lunch tmr.

if you r doing sth that fake, and being forced to.
i can see as well.
don't have to force yourself to do so.

cause it will only make me more upset.

and now what?
don't even get a response, a reply, nothing.
still say i reply late, and i'm online and yet you didnt get to c me.
nothing.

Why am i trying to stay awake, and waiting for your reply instead.
I should just ignore and go sleep.


Yes,
maybe i had changed.
Change to someone that you don't know in the 1st place.

Fuck lah. y i'm lke listening to love songs.
sigh.

I'm gg to bed.

night.

all about bb.

as you can see.

all the pictures is all about bb.

my beloved bb.

every little things that you do, i saw.
Speechless i must say.

Little surprises that you have given.

I'm touched.

even though i'm damn fucking difficult to give surprise to, but you didnt stop trying.

hmm.

the period of time whereby we always quarrel, esp when we jus started, it was really bad.
but now,i think we have trying to work things out already, isn't it.

not as much quarrels as last time.

even though you do not have much money to spend it on me, can't really pamper me yet, but i still stick to you, y?
cux i love you.
I know one day you will pamper me, love me more, and etc.
as long as i keep on loving you and you keep on loving me. isn't it.

Iloveyoubb.
imissyousomuchnow.

hugsandkisses.