it so...

Can say i had enough.

I can bring myself to like shout into the phone with my mum in the other end in public.
tearing and shouting, scolding and kena scolded.
tearing away.

BB was beside me all along, we were having lunch.

hmmm..

I'm so upset.

you teared in the other end of the phone and jus left the phone unattended.

when i reach home, you sit at a corner, crying.
and then walked to the window.

yes, i'm a lousy daughter,
a useless one.
i'm the only one who smoke, who is the most rebellious.

I said that you all forced me to.
you say i'm jus trying to find excuses.
Whatever.

I repeated dunno fucking how many times.
it jus wont get into your head.

and after that you start saying that i'm saying you, as a mother, is a failure.
and tear, jus started crying.

You got depression once, me too.
Do you know that?
I didnt bother to tell you all my problems,
cux i know when i say, all i get is scolding again.
Why should i bring the sufferings to myself.
It's pointless to tell you all about my problem.

Where were you all along when i'm in the state where by i really need you?
No where to be found.

I love you mummy, but the more you will to invade into my privacy and without giving me any respect, it's only make me more rebellious and dun even give a damn anymore.

It's painful for me to see you crying.
it's so painful.

but.

Have i went too far?
I just wan to be free.
not being spied on.
not having my things went through.
at least not in front of me.

There's no basic respect,
no basic own privacy.

sigh.

I do love you mummy.

Oh man.

I'm gg to cry already.
=[

sigh.